i miss the color of burnt orange

i think that if i had to pick one color to surround myself with it would be burnt orange. i managed to achieve this in college living by myself buying only pictures and old photographs that had this prized color in them. i even managed to find some sweaters that i wore proudly with this orange.

i think i never realized how much color and taste allows your brain and heart to feel at home. i think the only color i would choose over burnt orange is brown. are you starting to imagine my previous apartments? my poor husband honestly inherited some of the ugliest frames, posters, blankets, and even glass-blown lamps this world has made. i only brought one poster to Prague that had my soul's colors of brown, tan, and burnt orange. it is of a swamp at dawn surrounded by trees and shadows. i have taken this poster everywhere i have moved. i think, today, that part of my warmth and hominess i have missed, has in part been from my orange and brown life i left in attics and garages.

i am not on the late 60's-70's bandwagon of tight flare pants, or jean jackets, or ankle tight baggy pants, but i admit my defeat in the color department. wonder if i could have orange or brown contacts and not bother the rest of the world but enjoy my serene and comfortable created world. hmm?
katie

i've been very absent minded lately. i think teachers even feel the weight of the end of school and the release we all see and desire tempting us just a few weeks away.

i find myself sitting on public transportation staring into nothingness. only when my husband acknowledges my presence, do i realize i am actually in public with other people. i have been a book-reading fool lately. i think that helps draw my solitude out, which is an ironic statement.

this week is my campus's final exams, or should i say my campus's glimpse into hopeless blackness. i am being extreme i know, but i have come to love, accept and even promote standarized tests. these oral exams, based on topics solely picked out of a bag, are disheartening for me. i asked God at the beginning of this morning to give me his extra sense of justice. a few seconds later i reversed my prayer and asked for abundant grace for my students. my opinion and the opinion of my colleague, based on their speaking ability of the chosen topic, will determine if they graduate.

it is the end of monday. i have judged only 8 students today. i feel tired, sad, worn through, and absent-minded yet again. as you can tell, i really have nothing to write either. Praise be to our God who does not measure me against anyone else. Thank you Lord for the grace you so eagerly bestow.

it's hard being a teacher.
katie

Is it foreshadowing?

I finished 1984 yesterday and started Brave New World. I'm all about this "post-college-reading-whatever-I-want-whenever-I-want" deal. However, I realized yesterday that I've been immersing myself in false-utopias just before moving back to the States. Hmmm.....

Time in Paradise

Sorry about the infrequent blogs as of late. Things are busy as our students are taking their final exams over the next several weeks. Katie and I will be officially done teaching on June 15 and will fly back to Texas on July 2nd (sniff). Six weeks left. It's really hard to believe that our time here is almost spent. So many conflicting emotions or sadness and excitement. I'm trying not to think about leaving, so to change the subject...

We spent last weekend in the awesome forested kingdom that is Cesky Raj (Czech Paradise). I have NEVER seen such beautiful forests in all my life. We had a silent retreat with the four other teachers on the ESI leadership team. We hiked about ten kilometers to a nearby castle while meditating on the Psalms. I love spending time listening to the sounds of nature and enjoying creation. It was exactly what my heart needed. We will have another year-end retreat in a few weeks with all of the ESI teachers from the Czech Republic. I've found these little 'escapes' from the city to be quite a blessing as we're beginning to fix our eyes and prepare our hearts for our return. We're trying to process and prepare for the 'reverse culture-shock' as much as possible, as our friends have warned us that it's even harder than regular culture shock. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

To everyone who plays mom...

We have to say we have the best support of women in our lives. Our moms are especially the greatest, with our grandmothers following closely behind. And then there are those who are not related in any other way than friends. But to all of you, we wish you a mother's day. And especially to the two greatest mother's in the world....Sherry and Deb- WE LOVE AND MISS YOU!!!!!!!

Katie and Mike

As things wind down...

It's truly hard to believe that it's been 10 months since we left Texas and only two until we will return. Things are crazy at the moment as everyone is scrambling once again to tackle their syllabi. We'll be teaching until the end of June, however the seniors have their last classes this week and will be given next week off to prepare for their KILLER leaving examine. So, this week has been hard as we've had to say a sort of 'goodbye' to our oldest students.

I think the hardest part for me has been the fact that all results of our stay here will be, for the most part, unseen. We've been teaching in a country that literally prides itself on being known as "the most atheistic country in Europe." Keeping this in mind, we've had quite a few unexpected and quite encouraging conversations related to spiritual topics. However, as it's now the end of the road with some of our students, it's tough to be satisfied with those few moments. It's tough wondering if those graduating will ever have another Christian in their lives. It's tough debating whether or not to throw a little spiritual plug into the last class ("In conclusion, Jesus loves you and you'll only really be happy if you become a Christian, like me.") Some teachers actually hand out 'goodbye letters' that basically present the gospel. Part of me wants so badly (mostly for my pride's sake) to end things on such a note. On the other hand, part of me things it's the most inappropriate thing for me to do (taking into account that I would be promptly fired for such a thing in the States).

This week, I've found myself somewhere in the middle. I've been praying for open opportunities to simply be honest and share my heart with students as the end draws near. Sometimes doors open, sometimes they close. But, at least in my case, that's really how life is all the time. Waiting on the Spirit, asking for the words and being content with what He does in His own time. If I'm not being real with these kids on a daily basis, one superficial Christian high note at the end isn't going to have any credibility to it. It's all about the slow process that is spirituality.

We were never promised to see the fruit. It makes our pride kick and scream for lack of something to point at and say, "Look at what your faithful servant has done for You!" I wish I was humble enough to say that it's easy trusting God with the eternity of all these kids that I love, but will probably never see again. But it's not.